


Saturn

by UhmLikeWhet



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, Happy, Piano, Saturn - Freeform, Serenade, Singing, alcoholic, happy angst, singining, sleeping at last
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 20:53:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4114612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UhmLikeWhet/pseuds/UhmLikeWhet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the song Saturn by Sleeping At Last</p><p>Carmilla isn't around anymore... Laura seems to be dealing with it just fine.. She's happy for the most part, so she sings to her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saturn

**Author's Note:**

> I suggest listening to the song while reading, but it might not go with the speed of your reading. Just have it as background music.
> 
> I do not own this song.

   "It's been three weeks, but it still feels like yesterday."

    Laura smiles walking over to her piano.

   "I feel you everywhere I go."

   She reaches out and dances her fingers across the cold texture of the black instrument. 

   "Carm..." Her voice trembles. Her heart sinks, once again. "I miss you..."

   There's a wind in the air. The doors and windows are closed. 

   Laura smiles. 

   "Carm, I know you're here." She laughs, expecting to not get an answer, instead she feels light finger tips rest on her shoulder.

   She turns her head to the side to see no one there.

   "This..." She places her hand over the empty feeling on her shoulder. "This is all I need to know you're still with me." She smiles again, letting a tear fall down her cheek. 

   She sniffles once before taking a seat at Carmilla's old piano.

   "I wrote this song while you were sick." She starts playing the keys.

   "We both knew you wouldn't survive much longer." She closes her eyes as she feels a hand on her cheek.

   She stops playing and takes a deep breath. 

   "You know..." She giggles. "It's hard to play the song when you distract me."

   The air feels light, happy. The feeling on her cheek goes away and gets replaced to her back.

   "I know Carm..." She scoots over on the seat, expecting Carmilla to sit next to her. "I miss you too.. But at least you get to see me." She chuckles.

   Starting to play again she says, "Anyways.. I apologize now if I'm a little rusty." Laura giggles. 

   "I haven't played this song since the day before the funeral."

   There's a slight pause and slowness of the movement in her fingertips as she thinks about her next words.

   "You loved the stars. You taught me all I know about them." She sniffles again with a smile.

   "After college... After we got this place.." She looks around. "Your interests became mine."

   She huffs, resting her hands on the keys as they create an angry noise. 

   "You often told me that the stars were ours." She leans her head in the direction of the empty space next to her.

   "Are they still ours?" She shrugs, knowing she won't get an answer.

   Laura huffs, bringing her fingers to playing once again. 

   "Saturn was.. _Is_  your favorite planet." She smiles, thinking of when Carmilla explained every planet, detail by detail, to her.

   "Something about the rings attracted you." She lifts her left hand to look at the shiny diamond resting on her ring finger. "And then you made a promise to me."

   Laura starts getting teary eyed again.

   “Anyway, this song is called Saturn. It's for you... in case you were wondering." She quickly adds on. 

   She shakes her head and giggles, knowing the look of adoration Carmilla must be giving her.

   She takes a deep breath as her part comes up.

   " _You taught me the courage of stars before you left_." She dances her fingers across the white keys swiftly as she sings.

   " _How light carries on endlessly even after death_." She clears her throat and prepares for the next line. " _With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite_."

   She closes her eyes tight before continuing. " _How rare, and beautiful it is to even exist. I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again._ "

   As she sings, her eyes remain closed, remembering the beautiful smile Carmilla gave her every morning. " _I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen._ "

   Her body sways to show her emotion to her words.

   " _I'd give anything to hear, you say it one more time, that the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes._ "

   Her voice got louder, more dramatic as she sang this next part. She put real, feeling and emotion into her work as she cried.

   She cried because even when this stupid song is stuck in her head she thinks of her wife. Of her soul mate and how she isn't here anymore. 

   " _I couldn't help but ask, for you to say it all again. I tired to write it down, but I could never find a pen._ "

   She damned this earth that she still walked on, that Carm's spirit still walks on, that she can't see her.. Hear her snotty remarks and her witty puns and romantic poetry. She played as she remembered all those nights Carmilla played for her, while she curled up with a good book and a glass of wine by the window.

   She would ignore her book and sip her wine, watching Carmilla during the day time, but watching the stars during the night time.

   “ _I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time, that the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes..._ "

   As she caught her breath, she closed her eyes once more. That line... 'The universe was made just to be seen by my eyes.'

   Carmilla often told Laura when she found her staring out the window, star gazing, looking for the little pictures formed by clusters of light, that the universe was indeed, made for Laura's eyes.

 

_The night she proposed... Laura was curled up with a book, sitting on the window seat with a glass of wine. Of course, she was ignoring her book, watching the sky with curious eyes._

_"Laur..."_

_"Oh, Carm, you startled me." Laura giggled._

_Carmilla smiled, leaning down to look out the window with her girlfriend._

_“Those stars belong to us." She'd say, like she frequently did._

_Laura wrapped an arm around Carmilla neck, humming, dragging her down to sit on her lap._

_Their lips met for a quick second before Carmilla pulled away and held up a little black, smooth fabric box labled 'Kay'._

_Laura's breath caught. She raised her hands to her mouth, as the wine glass fell, staining the white rug surrounding their apartment._

_Carmilla giggled it off and Laura struggled to catch the glass._

_"Laura, Laura, it's fine, we can steam clean it." Carmilla shook her head as she opened the box._

_Laura giggled, lips trembling, heart racing, eyes tearing._

_"Do I have to say it?" Carmilla whined._

_Laura slapped her arm playfully. "Yes, you have to say it, you broody romantic."_

_Carmilla took a deep breath before saying those magical 6 words._

_“Laura Hollis, will you marry me?"_

_"Of course I will." Laura giggled, before Carmilla happily placed the ring on Laura's finger._

_“Carm, it's beautiful."_

_“Isn't it though?" Carmilla said, never looking away from Laura._

_Laura noticed and giggled, holding her shaking left hand steady with her right._

_"Carmilla Karnstein, are you crying?" Laura laughed harder now._

_"No.. Fucking glass got in my eye.." She complained, wiping her eyes._

_"You're such a sap."_

 

   She continued singing, looking over at that stupid stain in the rug that never got cleaned. 

   " _With shortness of breath, i'll explain the infinite._ " Her fingers moved slower, hitting the keys note by note.

   Laura takes a deep breath. " _How rare, and beautiful it truly is that we exist._ "

   She took her hands completely off the keys.

   As she takes a deep breath, she stands up without a word and walks over to the liquor cabinet, past the pile of unwashed dishes and empty bottles, dancing her fingertips with a huff over the piles of papers labeled ' _Apartment for rent_ ' and newspaper articles with people looking for roommates.

   She opens up the cabinet door and takes out the last of her wine. 

   She looks for a glass but can't find one.

   She shrugs and unscrews the cork with her bare hands, before taking a giant swing, listening to the liquid inside fight for gravity.

   "Some call me an alcoholic.. I call myself a widow." She confesses, throwing the empty bottle at the wall, across from her.

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to the song, and thanks for reading. I love this song and while i was listening to it today, I was like shit.. This is kind of a sad Hollstein song... 
> 
> Tell me what you think?


End file.
